Breathe

Pausing and taking a breath? Sounds simple, huh? Not for this hothead.

My ego is sensitive to others opinions, posturing and attempts at control. It responds as if it being attacked by a lion on the savannah. Pausing, breathing and restraint of pen and tongue are first in priority. It has taken a lot of pain and practice to make as much progress as I have today, but it’s a long road to Tipperary for this recovering asshole.

The last few days I have been having one of my “spells”. Some may call it a not-so-healthy spiritual condition. I suspect it is, once again, that my pride is out of level. My advisor defines a leveled ego as being right-sized. I have spent a long time in recovery beating myself up for not being able to stay right-sized. I am beginning to think that I may be ordinary in that sense.

See, that’s the problem. My instincts cry out at being ordinary. I was watching a documentary last night on stress. Scientists have determined that the lower down on the social or economic pecking order we are, the more stress we experience. This is evidently true with human’s or baboons. So, instinct drives us to be better-than or to dominate those around us. Watching baboons, one scientist observes that low ranking individuals spend most of their days picking on and asserting some kind of false dominance over their fellows.

Nature compels us to do this it seems, because stress shortens our lives, so being better-than is a strategy for survival. The documentary cited studies showing brain cell damage, lower immune system response and a long list of conditions brought on by stress.

While my urges to dominate, retaliate, humiliate or subjugate may be natural, they are not good for me. Ironically, they even create more stress. The answer? Breathe, pause, pray, say good morning to someone and smile. Make something pretty, do something useful, help someone, contribute, give.

First, always, I must breathe.

Hold that thought...

James