I haven’t seen many posies or bluebirds lately. If I am still sober after passing through this current challenge to my sanity, I will emerge with an even stronger faith in this process and way of life.
If it seems to you that I have sounded a little frantic in the last month, searching for the right tool to use to get me through one more day, you are right. When I hear someone pulling out the one-day-at-a-time card for an extended period of time, I begin to worry a little about them, too.
The fact is that I have been experiencing something for the last couple of months that is affecting my thinking and emotions for physiological reasons. It is something I have not chosen to share about publicly as of yet, but I have been relying heavily on my sponsor, my fellows who live the 12-steps, friends, prayer, meditation, exercise, diet and writing. All these things I have learned from my teachers.
I am sure I will share about it once I have moved through it. I have chosen to take on this hurdle on the heels of quitting smoking a year and a half ago. Someday I will look back on this time of lunacy and be so grateful it is over. I will be so grateful for the power that pulled me through it, and I will be able to share about it. I know this because it has happened over and over again in my sobriety.
Anyone that knows me well, knows that I go for long periods of time when it seems bluebirds are singing all around me and posies are sprouting from my ass. They also know that I also go through periods when I seem to be frantically seeking solutions and desperately rummaging through the tools and techniques you guys have given me to get through the day.
The fact is that peace of mind is fleeting for me these days. I am given it everyday when I get up, go to the gym, share with you guys and do my prayer and meditation. But then, I walk out my door and it is replaced with frustration or discontent within an hour or two. Again, I use or apply some of the suggestions I am given in recovery and I am granted a reprieve. It may only be for minutes. But, I get to do this again and again until I am taken safely through the day and ultimately, I hope, this trying period.
This is how my faith grows in this ‘design for living’. This is why I no longer fear my insanity quite so much. This is why I am sure I will be okay if I don’t run, don’t hide and don’t take a drink.
Stick around and you’ll see posies sprout from my ass again. It is guaranteed to be nothing if not entertaining.
Hold that thought...
James
"One Day at a Time" is a great slogan. But yeah, if you're living your whole life like that, chances are that something in your recovery needs tweaking. This too shall pass...
ReplyDeleteMy most recently discovered tool is deep breathing. Absolutely love it. It's kind of like meditation, except much easier when I'm not already in a state of serenity. 10 minutes before my morning workout has a cumulative effect and makes the workout easier. Heck, 10 minutes before anything seem to make whatever go much easier. Including meditation. Just can't find a downside to this.
I'm using an iPhone app called BreathPacer. It costs a couple of bucks. There's also a free app created for the Veteran's Administration.