Dear, Sugar

Well hello you sexy thing, you. I have been think about you constantly. You pop into my head countless times throughout my day. Life without you is so bland.

You are like a siren calling from the rocks. So beautiful, so sweet, you promise such pleasure. The first touch is exquisite yet, you set off a longing for more that is nearly impossible to ignore. After I have had my fill of you, I feel disgusted and regretful. Your beauty melts away, leaving me drained and disfigured.

You are not to blame. Another may enslave and enjoy you in sane communion. But, I must surrender to the fact that it is me that is a slave to your charms. I am weak in your dazzling presence. When you melt in my mouth but not in my hands, you slay me. When you get your peanut butter in my chocolate I swoon. Sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don’t but you always bring me to my knees.

Powdered, granulated or cubed you are my master, I am your toy. When I am weak I go to the vending machine where love is for sale. I leave feeling so ashamed, hoping no one saw me lurking, lusting and finally snatching you for a cheap thrill, a tawdry high.

Today I will resist your calls. I will settle for a cheap imitation. One that does not cause my blood to course faster through my veins yet does me no harm. Get behind me Sugar. Hello Stevia, wanna play?

Hold that thought,

James

Zen of Technology

Going from okay with everything I have to desperately needing an upgraded iPad in order be peaceful and whole is a very short trip. Granted there is nothing wrong with buying oneself a trinket from time to time assuming you have the money to do it. But for us technoholics without mullah it is a different story. The purchase, I am fairly sure will not result in the Nirvana I seek.

Once the obsession sets in, no facts or rational thinking has any effective power against it. The sane words of friends are met with a multitude of rationalizations, such as "well obsessing over it is making me miserable anyway, so I might as well charge it and experience the regret and pain of debt. At least then I will still be disturbed but at least I will have a new toy to distract me from my self-created misery."

The problem is that the web-browser on my old device is painfully slow and keeps bombing. So, in a last ditch effort to avoid the none-to-smart purchase, I moved my desktop computer into the living room so I can sit my fat ass on the couch and be online. The result seems to be enough to stave off the craving another day. A bonus turned out to be blogging again. It has been so long. A happy ass helps me when I blog.

The one thing that seemed to penetrate my irrationality was readying a Facebook post from a friend that said her psychiatrist told her that "No, new boots were not the answer." That woke me a little from my material craving. I read it on my old, slow iPad.

I so exhaust myself sometime.

Hold that thought,
James