Does this blog make me look fat?
Not only am I shallow, but I am gay and shallow.
Being shallow, being gay and being a man is the perfect storm when it comes to vanity issues. The same-sex dynamic combined with being a man-child with an attachment to all things material and beautiful whips up a vanity storm to be reckoned with. For myself, it has resulted in not only an obsession with my appearance but also the appearance of a partner or potential partner.
This has always been a sticking point with me, as I have never considered myself possessed of classical good looks. Now that I am rather advanced in age, the problem has been magnified. Ideally my spiritual and emotional maturity would match my years, thus easing my angst. Unfortunately, I am but rather adolescent when it comes to emotional and spiritual matters.
Like an aging film star, I am sure that I can still play 30. Frantically covering gray, willing away wrinkles and exercising the sags away - trying to stay ever-ready for my close-up. The way I see it, I have two choices at this point in my life. First is to continue seeking spiritual and emotional growth. The other is to keep looking for that rare, gorgeous, youthful, flat-bellied, gay guy who is so spiritually advanced he cares not a bit about my outward appearance.
So, I will continue to seek a little spiritually every day. Although, I don't think I will ever stop looking for that elusive dream guy. That's just the way I roll.
The result? I may still be shallow but I look pretty damn good for 50, and I today I have a fairly wonderful life with great friends, my two dogs and our home.
Hold that thought…
James
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