Dramalicious

Who me? Dramatic?

When I first began recovery, I would hear people talk about an addiction to drama. I absolutely could not relate. I new that I was a little "flamboyant" but the drama in my life was scaring me to death. What I did not know was that I was creating it, I was accustomed to it and its absence would become uncomfortable.

As I started to feel better, things began to calm down and I began to experience boredom. In other words my days were no longer spent figuring out what I did the night before, trying to cover my tracks or wondering what jail was going to be like. The hours of nursing resentments, plotting the demise of my adversaries and arguing with people who were not in the room were waning.

Then, suddenly I would hit a bump in the road, get thrown through the windshield and end up wrapped around my own axle. How can life do this to me? Of all the rotten luck, here I am just trying to stay sober, not hurting a fly and look what happens. Poor me.

Today, I have all these folks in my life that don’t let me get away with that for long. Before I can completely explain my woes and how they "done-me-wrong," one of them will say, “So, what did you do to put yourself in a place to be harmed?” They help me to see that I am the one that chose to depart the serene and head into the unknown.

After going through this repeatedly, I began to notice that I would be cruising along just fine and get an idea that would turn out to be the seed of chaos. Here are a few examples of drama starters from my repertoire: “I need to move.”;  “The more I think about it, she and I need to have a talk!”; “I know what I need to do, I need to go back to school.”;  “I’m going to call a realtor and see if she will show me some houses.” or my all time favorite, “I’m going to walk over there and ask that guy out on a date.”

Not that there is anything inherently wrong with any of these ideas, but going into what follows with open eyes helps. If I decide to stir up a hornets nest, I have to take responsibility for the consequences. Did I say responsibility? That is hard for a professional shirker to say.

Now that my feet are more firmly planted in sobriety, an occasional venture into the land of drama can be fun. Not so in early recovery. It took very little to throw me off balance, and I benefited by running my bright ideas by someone before I took off down that rocky road. And honestly, I may still be a little overly-cautious.

Hold that thought…
James