Aging Gracelessly

On Facebook today, the Dalai Lama said, "If we are becoming arrogant and self-important, the antidote is to think about our own problems and sufferings, to bring us down to earth. But if we are feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, helpless and depressed, it's important to reflect on our positive qualities or achievements to uplift our minds."

I find it pertinent today because I have been thinking a lot about my tendency to be either arrogant and self-important or down on myself. It does not take a great many compliments or much positive attention from people before I begin to get a little big for my britches. In recovery we are taught to be aware of these things, as "bigshotism" can be dangerous. Twelve-step programs, at their core, are about the leveling of pride.

Because of a few extra strokes from folks who are reading this budding blog, I find myself in danger of boasting, preaching or generally presenting myself in a manner calculated to impress. These are very tricky waters for this clumsy swimmer.

So, I will take the opportunity to share something I am going through now that is not flattering and does not necessarily show great spiritual growth. I have thus far not mentioned the fact that I am now a half-century old and a little worse for wear. I have just wrapped up two weeks of medical tests to determine why this exercising at the gym is causing excessive pain. It turns out that I have a worse than average case of arthritis for my rather age. Why would I prefer to talk about losing weight, working out and spiritual progress rather than how difficult it is for me to accept my age, my health issues and appearance? I fear it is because I want everyone to think I am a bitchin' guy.

They say there is nothing wrong with being a half-century old. My mind says, yeah really? Ask that good-looking twenty-something, see what he says. Oy vey! Why do I think I need anyone's approval, especially his? See what I mean? I have a long way to go on this journey of enlightenment.

Why does it bother me to have arthritis? Is it the pain? Even if a malady associated with youth was a little more painful, I would probably rather have that. Crazy, huh? Soon I will have to get a grip and go buy that bottle of Geritol. I wonder if you get a discount with an A.A.R.P. card.

The truth is I was able to do a half-hour on the stationary bike this morning pain-free. My ego would rather see me running on the treadmill as people look on saying, "Wow, look at him running at his age."

Okay, I've told you what's really going on today. If and when I break a hip, get gout or cataracts - I will try to let you guys know.

Hold that thought...

James