Passing Stones

I continually discover that I really don't understand some of the things that I assume that I do.

I had the honor of sharing my story with a group of folks last night. Afterwards while talking with a fellow, I learned that I have for years been mistakingly thinking I understood Bill Wilson's line: "Someone who knew what they were talking about said, 'Pain is the touchstone of all spiritual growth.'" I had wrongly assumed that a touchstone was some kind of stepping stone.

In actuality, a touchstone is a very hard rock, basalt or quartz, that is used to test the purity of a precious metal by the color of the streak that is made when the metal is rubbed against it. So pain is a the thing that tests the quality of my spiritual growth. If I were never tested, I would never fall short, thus I would never be motivated to improve. This also tells me that "failure", then is also a requirement to continue to advance and grow. If I ever aced the test, I would just graduate and be done.

Since I have embarked on recovery my touchstones have included, the loss of my dad, my sister and my grandmother. Other touchstones of mine have actually been those that primarily belonged to others. They include the illnesses and misfortunes of the people that I love. They test my ability to care and be of use without making there pain about me - a tough one. Other touchstones have been the loss of a job, the illness of pets, depression and self-pity.

So life involves pain. Life will always test my spiritual growth and always has. If I am not actively seeking spiritually, I will continually to be tested and fall short without any benefit. If I continue to seek spiritual help, each time I am tried, the results will at least be of some benefit to me and those around me. If I can accept pain as a natural and necessary part of my life, rather than the result of some action from a supreme and sadistic god, it could bring me a degree of peace.

I guess the most important message this guy had for me last night, though, was to slow down and ask myself whether I do know all that I assume I know. I need to be more conscious of whether I am truly listening, seeing or understanding.

While researching this passage that Bill Wilson wrote, I was unsuccessful in learning the identity of the person he was quoting. The only answer I found online to this question was someone saying that he was quoting himself. Might Bill Wilson consider himself someone who "knew what he was talking about"? I will let you decide that one on your own. The exact quote may have been Bill's, but further research showed that the concept was not at all new or original.

I have a lot to get done today. So, I am hoping I am not going to have any touchstones in my path to stub my toes on, although am sure my path ahead is littered with them. I am just glad that these days I do not walk alone.

Hold that thought...

James