The Writes of a Slacker

When it comes to writing, I have always been a slacker.

In college, I would go to the first class to get the syllabus and check for papers to be written or essay tests. If there were any, I would shop around for the classes without them, then go to adds-and-drops and redo my schedule to avoid as much writing as possible.

So, a day and a half after my last drink (up until now), I walked into the office of a psychologist. When I walked in, I told her that before we were through she was going to tell me I needed to go see those people that help people quit drinking. She said to sit down. After I told her what I had been up to the last few years, she said she would not treat me if I did not go see those people. I said okay. I went that night and have been going ever since.

Now, the other thing she suggested I do was to keep a journal. I said okay. I had shared with her that I was having periods of depression that seemed to come out of nowhere for no reason. She said if I kept a journal I might start seeing some patterns. In12-step meetings, a heard a lot of people talk about writing, inventorying and journaling. I thought cool, that goes right along with what my therapist said to do.

I started a journal right away. I recorded my prayer to be kept sober in the mornings and my thanks at night. I kept track of how many meetings I made. I wrote about what went on in the meetings, the people I met and my fears. I did this consistently for about two years, then sporadically for another couple of years. For the last two years I had just turned to writing to do an inventory when my derrière was on fire.

This blog, motivated by ego I am sure, is resulting in my return to writing in recovery. It is becoming a sanity-saver. Except for a couple of black eyes from cranky readers, it has been a pleasant and enlightening experience. Even the shots from critics are good for me.

One friend of mine likes to say that writing things down helps to hold his thoughts still, so he can get a good look at them. Our literature says it helped 100 hopeless alcoholics get sober in the 1930s and it has been working ever since. My therapist said it would be a good idea and she rocks.

It still feels like a chore. I can still think of tons of things to do with the hour a day I spend on this writing thing. But, one day at a time, I am writing again. If I had to say what the greatest benefit of it is for me, it would be that it helps me get a little more honest with myself and others. That’s not easy for me. On Twitter the other day, someone shared “Every time I try to be honest, I lie.” I would not have understood that statement when I first got into recovery. Writing, among other things in the program, has allowed me to see why someone would say that.

Thanks for the love, tolerance and patience you have shown me as I grow up in public. Thanks for giving this slacker a second chance.

Hold that thought...

James