It is being revealed to me the degree to which my opinions can disturb me and those around me. In my previous life, I valued my opinions above all others', and even felt a strong social responsibility to enlighten and guide those around me. It turns out this is just another aspect of my character that has not served me well nor has it been of benefit to my relationships.
I once read a quote that said that our opinions are the shovels with which we dig our graves. Whether this is true for others or not, I have no idea. For this recovering, opinionated asshole it certainly applies.
When I follow my instincts to inform those around me of how to vote, dress, run their businesses, what to think, who to date, who not to date, what not to think and how their thinking is flawed they are usually very ungrateful an resist me. I find this very irritating. Surely they don't understand what I am saying. Maybe I just need to keep rephrasing my opinion in different ways until I hit on a presentation they can understand.
I have always felt extremely passionate about my right to my opinion and my right to express it. The darndest thing happens though when someone not only disagrees with me, but belittles my opinion. Something kicks in and I want them gagged and removed. "Security to aisle five, security to aisle five. Please remove this person, they are making trouble." So, as you can the help I have received is very powerful indeed. I have not drank, been hauled off by security, had to have someone hauled off by security, nor have I pulled anyone's hair in over six years. Amazing. Although, I have had to make amends for loosing control on a number of occasions.
When I was making my amends the first time in recovery my sponsor made a suggestion. He proposed that I ask the folks who I thought I owed no amends to - if they thought I owed them any amends. A co-worker responded to my inquiry that yes indeed, I did owe her an amend. This friend said that every time she had a different opinion than I had, I made her feel stupid. Swallowing doses of truth like this about myself has been an important part of this journey. I have been called condescending more that a few times in my life.
A popular question in the rooms of recovery is, "Is it more important for you to be right or to be happy?"
It turns out that a healthy connection to other human beings is necessary for my serenity, sanity and recovery. I am also discovering that if I am not open to other's experience, ideas and even opinions I begin to revert to all the ways of thinking that got me into this fix in the first place and I begin to loose the gift of serenity. For this recovering alcoholic and addict a serenity deficit can be dangerous.
There is certainly a need for opinion, social reform and debate on this planet. I am just learning that I am not well equipped to take on those tasks. There are other areas, though, where I can use my strengths and talents to be of use and make valuable contributions to mankind.
It takes a village, to keep James' mouth under anything like consistent control. So I would like to take this opportunity to thank the Buddha, Jesus, Mohammed, Krishna, Lao Tzu, Bill Wilson, Bob Smith, Ghandi, Dalai Lama and countless others for the progress that I have made.
It's probably better for me to go to a meeting and let the donkeys and elephants duke this one out.
Hold that thought…
James
Funny and so very true.
ReplyDeleteI feel opinions are generally foofy. I like to air on the sides of facts as much as possible. Yet even the interpretations of facts can become muddled.
ReplyDeleteAs a Pagan, for me this is about a healthy balance between output and input. The energy I put out by talking needs to be balanced by the energy I take in by listening to others.
ReplyDeleteAs a recovering codependent, unsolicited advice-giving is a sign that I'm in relapse. I need to act accordingly. One way I can turn the relapse behavior into something good for me, is that I ask myself how (how, not if) I can apply the advice I gave to my own life.
As an adult child I say "Man, where are your boundaries?" :-)